Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Buy Buy Buy Buy Bye?

Everyone keeps talking about how bad things are in the economy. They talk about slumping sales, they talk about how consumer confidence is at an all time low, they say no one is buying cars, no one wants to buy a house, I even heard that porn sales are down. But I am here to tell you that things are not nearly as bad as people are making out to seem. Apparently these economists have not heard about the abundance of high quality, free porn on the internet. Anyway if these so called experts are wrong about porn, what else are they wrong about. Well I am here to fill you in on what is really going on out there. So hold on, strap in and lets get this party rolling.

The other day I was listening to the news and I heard an expert say with a sigh "well I guess Americans will just have to live at their means.". I heard this and I screamed Eureka (if only I was in a bathtub)!! I got it. I figured out what had happened. Those SOBs. You know what they did, they tricked us. They gave us access to easy credit and sold us a ton of shiny goods. We never stood a chance, all the promises of buy now pay later. Dont worry about the future, just keep consuming. Its all good, you have been preapproved, no payments for 12 months. Just keep buying dont worry you can always open up another line of credit. Before we knew it we were out spending money we didnt have and getting ourselves deeper into debt. Hey, they even told us to refinance our homes and pull out the equity and buy jet skis. How could we say no. We couldnt, not with the mounds of cash being layed at our feet. And what did this do? What was the result of this? Gourment specialty stores, electronic megaliths and so many freaking Starbucks, I thought Juan Valdez had become president. Now we are saying, enough is enough. We are tired of having 20 grand in credit card debt and not being able to pay it off. What do you say to the guy who owes 450,000 on a house worth half that? Well at least you have a nice TV, it will look great in your apartment?

What do I think? I think this disappearing credit is good for America. If it means that 300 Starbucks have to close, so that we can get out of debt then so be it. I think the coffee at the corner gas station is still better then that frufru coffee they sell and its 1\4 the cost. I heard Circuit City was going out of business, you know what I said? I said Good!! Now I can get a cheap TV. These vampires who have been bankrupting America one flat screen at a time are now in trouble and they want us to feel bad. Oh boo hoo poor big corporation. I think its a great time to be a consumer, I mean everything is on sale. They couldn't sell water in the desert right now. Everywhere I go I see sales signs. What a great time to be a consumer. You want a car, shit the dealer will come to your house every week and wash your car for you. Now thats what I call consumerism. When Linens and Things went belly up last fall, I swooped in an outfitted my next 5 kitchens for pennies on the dollar. Oh yeah!! They say its bad, I say its a great time to be a buyer. Finally its a buyers market... Hooray!!

Look, it was unrealistic to assume that our economy would continue to grow and to never shrink, but that is exactly how our economy was engineered. As long as we kept consuming at a feverish pace everything would be ok, but you know what thats impossible. Even an alcoholic will take a day off every few years. And thats what happened, and whether it was the booze that disappeared (loose credit) or us who no longer had an appetitte, the result was the same. Economic collapse. To be honest it is not that bad, this is natural. Our economy had grown too large due to greed. Greed on our part to get the things we couldn't afford, and greed on the lenders who saw a potential for a buck, to greed on the huge super stores who hawked their goods. But now, we are all paying the price. Americans are deep in debt, banks are failing and stores are going out of business, but its OK because soon things will settle back down again. Consider this our 25 year hangover. We need the economy to shrink, it was too big. It had become unsustainable. The Fed can try everything raise interest rates, print more money, bankrupt America, destroy you, eat your children (sorry got away from me for a second) eventually this house of cards was going to come tumbling down.

So what does this mean? It means that things are good then they are bad then they are good again. Things happen in cycles. Or even more accurate, whats good for one, is bad for another. Today, is our day, the day of the consumer. All this negative talk does is to scare people into not buying. I say harrumph to that. Go out and spend. Buy stuff, its really cheap now and very affordable, but please dont get in over your head. Lets be smart about this and lets take advantage of the lowered prices and abundance of goods. Remember its a buyers market right now, and I dont know how long it will last so, I guess what I am saying is to go out and stock up and buy stuff on the cheap, and take advantage of the sales and get that green sweater you have been eyeballing. Cause remember just because its a buyers market today doesnt mean that it will be that way for long.